Sunday, December 12, 2010

Once a Coder…

I realised something about myself the other day. OK, I re-realised something about myself, when I had the opportunity to sit down and just code again.

I’m a programmer, and I love coding. I’ve known since early Primary School that it’s all I wanted to do. To me, coding is art, and it’s an end unto itself. I’ll write a couple hundred lines of code, and spend the next several months to several years optimising it, reducing it, making it look pretty. It’s often irrelevant whether the code I’ve just written actually works (although it’d be nice if it at least compiles), let alone whether the resulting program serves its stated business purpose. I guess this explains why I have no many unfinished projects lying around on my home PC, servers and backup discs.

Yes, the code is elegant, efficient, beautiful. I guess it’s somewhat like a painter, sculptor, or author. Whether somebody buys or uses your product makes no difference to the joy you obtain from producing it.

Naturally, this view of what I do for a living doesn’t help so much when it comes to the necessity of making money… but at least I’ve got a pretty good idea of what I’d probably spend my time on if I ever didn’t have to work for a living, hey?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Take time to read - Thank you for educational e-mails in 2010


I get this kind of e-mail every year, and every year it makes me laugh. I thought I'd blog it this year.


As we progress through the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.


I no longer open a bathroom door
without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread
because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands
with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse
for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS
to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO,
now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings
because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money,
but that will change once I receive the R15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul
because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar
because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC
because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN,
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy
petrol without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up or in the garage shop

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW
I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies
because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping malls
because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Nigeria, Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ..

I no longer buy cookies from Woolies
since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE
I can't ever pick up R2.00 coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening
because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician …


Oh, by the way.....


A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


P.S.:
I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 3m out of the toilet.

NOW YOU ALL HAVE YOURSELVES A VERY GOOD DAY…AND A HEALTHY LIFE!!!